Originally published in Much Ado About Mensa, October 2004, Vol. 34, No. 10

You’re in Mensa. So how does it feel to be in the top 2% of the population? When you were first notified you qualified for membership, did you feel vindicated that your intelligence was finally recognized? Did you feel like it was merely a formality, knowing that you were a genius your whole life? Or were you one of those who, like me, was pretty sure there was some kind of scoring error?

Yep, we’re in the bottom 2% of the top 2%.

I’m not sure whether it was the luck I had randomly filling in the dots in the last few seconds or cumulative rounding errors, but a few weeks after taking the Mensa test, I was notified that I had somehow passed it. Since then, I’ve read letters about the pros and cons of retesting. I’m not sure what the goal is, but all I have to say is NO! I don’t care if I got lucky once and end up senile later. I’m in! When the stars and planets are aligned that once in a lifetime, you don’t ask for do-overs. And speaking of planetary alignments…

I think the first Mensa event I ever attended was a forum on astrology. The guest speaker was introduced as a fellow Mensan, so I figured if other brainiacs can believe in this kind of, um, research, then I could hold my own in this new clique. How wrong I was. The audience butchered the poor guy. Statisticians were arguing about his methodology. Astronomers were questioning the precision of his measurements. Computer technicians were just flabbergasted that he had difficulty connecting his laptop to the projector.

As I was driving home, I thought, “Well, I’m at least smarter than that astrology guy.” Then it dawned on me. Our guest speaker was making boatloads of cash selling his astrology software to innocent victims. I thought, “Maybe he just uses Mensans to uncover skeptical questions that may be asked, so he can better hone his sales pitch. Crap! I’ve been outwitted by the astrology dude.”

Since then, I’ve discovered even geniuses believe all sorts of weird things. Some really do believe in astrology. Some think (at least temporarily) alcohol really does make you more attractive. Some believe Dubya is a good president. Most believe in their own particular flavor of God. But I don’t mind. I’m a live and let live, or live and let die, or live and die and let live again, sort of guy. Whatever works for you.

But what worries me is: What if all these weird things are true and I’m just not smart enough to see it?

I met my girlfriend, Jamie, in Mensa. Needless to say, she’s smarter than me. Sometimes, when I get on my kick about being the dumbest guy in the room at Mensa events, she reassures me that I’m a genius too, and I should stop being so self-deprecating. She says I’m just as smart as she is, or any other Mensan for that matter. Yes, she’s very sweet to me, but she can also read a 300-page novel in about an hour. It takes me a week or two. Sometimes I think about hiding some of my books where she can’t find them, so I’ll have something I can tell her that she doesn’t already know.

Anyway, I’m going to take her advice and think positively. I’m no longer in the bottom 2%. I’m now in the same top 98.1% as all you other Mensans out there.