To show his solidarity with fellow GPM members, Axel Stonebury has declared that he will never join the high-IQ organization known as the Triple Nine Society. The triple nines in the society’s name refer to its membership requirement that candidates score in the top 99.9th percentile on an approved intelligence test. To Axel Stonebury, this is just an elitist, arbitrary and discriminatory method of separating the super-genius from the merely gifted.

“I can’t imagine myself joining a group that divides people based solely on their ability to score well on an IQ test,” said Stonebury. “Just because someone is born with a certain kind of brain doesn’t mean they should be allowed their own group. Imagine what people would say if organizations existed for people that were all born with the same skin color, for example.”

When asked if he thought it was hypocritical for him to be a member of Mensa, which also only requires a candidate score well on an IQ test, while railing against another high-IQ society he replied, “Oh, no, not at all. You see, Mensa is not elitist, because anyone can join, as long as you score in the top 2% of an IQ test, and believe me, that’s not hard to do. So that makes Mensa like 20-30 times more inclusive than the Triple Nines! But I do see your point, which is why I’m a founding member of the 100% Society. The only requirement is to score in the top 100% on 100% of the tests you’ve ever taken.”

Axel’s roommate, Ted Howard, was asked to comment on his friend’s stand against the Triple Nines. “Axel just is upset because he didn’t qualify. In fact he probably shouldn’t even be in Mensa. He’s pretty smart, but no genius. I saw his SAT scores and they were only about 1200. But he was determined to get into Mensa, so somehow he discovered that one of the Mensa tests is the same as the one they give NFL rookies. It turns out that there’s an Easter egg in Madden 07, where you can take the same test while in NFL career mode. Before joining Mensa, he was on the XBOX every night for about two months retaking the test over and over.”

Two members of GPM are also members of the Triple Nine Society. Gina Miles could not be interviewed because she was busy “teaching a variant of American Sign Language to her seven cats,” however Mark Polsovich did weigh in. He has renounced his membership in the Triple Nines, and joined Axel in his crusade against the elite society. The reason he gave for leaving was, “a hugging deficit.”

In fact, a new organization has spontaneously emerged who call themselves the “Group of 40 – Niners, No!” It consists of Mensa members Axel Stonebury, Mark Polsovich, and Betty Brown. The 37 other members are all Arizona Cardinals fans.

To get Ms. Brown’s point of view, she was asked if her opposition to the Triple Nine Society was sour grapes because she didn’t qualify herself. She replied, “I’m quite sure that if I took their test, I would qualify easily, but I joined Mensa so I could show my intellectual superiority to other people. If I were to join the Triple Nines, we would all be superior, so what’s the point?”

You can’t argue with logic like that.